Better, NOT Recovered.

(written previously) Im guessing a lot of you know the feeling when people stop tip-toeing around you. Its like when you are on the verge of death and refusing food, people are constantly worried about you.  They are very involved and know that they need to help you.  And, eventually, sometimes, this helps.  I know in my case it took four years of treatment for my first breakthrough.  But, unsurprisingly, i relapsed…many times.  And i am no way am here to put the blame on other people, nor on myself because Ana is to blame, but this is just a message to the people supporting somebody with an eating disorder.  Please, do not back off too quickly, and NEVER  forget. 

I mean during an eating disorder, we become masters at lying.  I was actually nicknamed “houdini” in treatment bc of my ability to make the food “disappear.”  ( if anybody reading this does NOT have an eating disorder and is the supportive parent or loved one of somebody who hides food, please contact me because i really know my stuff and can def. help you)  But the lying becomes second nature.  And usually in the beginning of a recovery period, we are translucent.  We are being honest, with others and ourselves.  But often as we realize how much freedom and trust we havee been given, that awakens Ana.  It says, “hey you’d be a fool not to take advantage of this opportunity, so im gona help you by telling you to stop eating.  It wont be hard to hide even because your parents arent looking anymore!”  I mean this is my experience at least.  In that position, i have believed Ana.  I realized that they werent looking and that i didnt even need to hide very much.  

As a loved one, i hate to say it, but this will NEVER end.  You must always have in the back of your mind, that Ana could take control back anytime.  In my experience, my parents have learned this.  Pretty much the day i would start restricting they could tell, and started pushing food.  But i know i am extremely lucky, so i am pleading with others to follow my parents example.  As terrifying as it is, and as much as you want to block it out, the only way to conquer it is to keep a constant eye on it.